never play flip cup with pint glasses
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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