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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
