so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
