saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
