So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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