Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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