Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
sex in a hospital.. check
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
