so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
