u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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