dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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