my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
