At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
