I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
