You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
