i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
