I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
