i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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