it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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