I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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