The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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