she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
