Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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