He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
