I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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