bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
