ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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