Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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