I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sext me about skeletons
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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