I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
