I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
