I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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