They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
