tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
