he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
