I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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