I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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