dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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