dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Ketchup is God's man juice
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
