if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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