Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
