He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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