i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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