I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
