went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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