u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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