I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Help. Why am I so naked?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
