Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize