I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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