Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
