This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
