one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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