I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize