ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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