"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
