So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I want a musical about memes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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