I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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