I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize