honey bunches of taint.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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