I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
