She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize