You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
