Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
