i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
