I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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