dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude i'm inner monologue high
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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