Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
