My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
