Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
