This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
