how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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