just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
