oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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