Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize