So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
