you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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