Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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