its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Are my feet made of real feet?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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