We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
