how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize