Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
