Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
