My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize