my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
