Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
