if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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