At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
