There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
