i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
