She's JV to your varsity
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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