My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
