The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
