Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
