i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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