I just made out with a guy for $7.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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