I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
