Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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