so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
