How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
