well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
