just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
