I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
