She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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