She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
