There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
