I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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