Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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