you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
