What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
